i'm not drowning fast enough

Sometimes

Inspired by My Bloody Valentine - Sometimes.

—

Marred by dark and dishonourable thoughts finely cindered and scattered to the wind. Bruised by rough fingertips, callous handling. Black and purple and blue.

I don’t know how you could not love me now, in all my chagrined glory. How does it feel to let go of something you’ve held on for so long your fingers got tired, and watch it fall and break on the ground?

The shards cut me open and let out the bad blood from the bruises and left invisible scars. I wonder, how you could not love me now, in my unclean rebirth, pristine on the outside, blood leeched out and shards swept behind my eyes.

I have been reborn before you so many times, I do not think I can love myself now. Should you love me, love me for me too, or let me return into this world ostensibly brand new, again and again ‘til I no longer know you as I no longer know myself.

I don’t know how you could not love me then.

I am already in the November of my life.